For the school social I gargled Listerine. The pain felt reassuring. I sprayed my hair with Mum’s hairspray, “Taft”.
In the school hall, we shuffled to Toto’s “Africa”. Girls on the other side, giggled about stuff we’ll never be privy to. They did, however, have pert adolescent tits. We puffed out our chests, bobbing over exaggeratedly to ‘what’ beat (?).
The girl of my dreams, South African-born Cheryl V hardly notices me as I do everything in my power just to meet her eyes. The next day she went steady with an acquaintance of mine.
He later told me, “Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, just literally 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery, and I promise you something great will come of it.”
I replied, ‘Did you just buy a fucking zoo’?