I have an appointment with the computer. Every night nearly. It is waiting. My chair. A one man seat. My accustomed place that allows me to view everything that I feel needs viewing. Once again there is music in my ears. Songs which I downloaded are now playing on my crummy speakers. Some go in one ear and out the other. Some stay and keep nagging me because they come attached to some memories. Some so strong they nearly bear a family resemblance. They don’t come out until I’ve hummed them out of my system. The online chat and beer flow in equal quantities.
Then MSN went quiet; it may as well have thrown me away. I was overtaken by a feeling of frustration. I had to wonder what was happening to me. I stared at the live camera image of myself and saw reflections of my own dull torn life. Every night meeting cautious people making me squirm in my seat. When I sat down before my computer I was gone in my seat, like a bum fumbling his tickets at the TAB – gone for all money.