Christina’s music feels like the cleanest breath of air to me. Even this morning, when I heard this song again, I felt my eyes welling up after the first verse. Tears just came, and I found myself wondering, where did that come from? It almost always happens when I listen to her – something in me just softens. Christina Perri’s music feels like a car wash for the mind. It cleans things out.
This might sound a bit trippy, but I’ll try to keep it grounded. Last night, as I fell asleep listening to an audio What If Earths Magnetic Field Disappeared from the sleepy scientist, I had a series of dreams about meeting Christina and her family. Like most dreams, it all felt completely real at the time.
As frequent readers know here – I have more than a Perri crush. In the dream, though, it was simple and low-key – I was with my kids at what felt like a family gathering. When I saw her, I just told her I was a big fan, and she was warm and easy to talk to. There was a brief moment where our eyes met, and and she reflected back what I was feeling. Such an exquisite, yet quiet exchange I hadn’t event imagined except in my wildest dream – which indeed this was.
It wasn’t anything sexual – it was just an interchange of incomparable love and respect for the other in the most fleeting, but unforgettable way. Toward the end of the dream, I asked if she wanted to join us, but she seemed a little circumspect and emotional, so I left it at that.
There’s a stellar song by her called Fever which is what I felt she was expressing to that enchanted someone; beyond her reason of comprehension in knowing. I suppose it is part of her allure and draws us hopeless admirers under her spell:
I dream about you, but I’ve never even seen your face
I’m thinkin’ constantly about the way I feel to have you near
I have the beginning of that song on my ring dial, so when it comes up randomly in my music collection I try to answer the phone. Pretty mess’d up huh? But I always love whenever I hear the xylophone in the introduction. Now that’s a song.
Today’s featured track, Surrender, is a fairly simple, warts-and-all song by my favourite female artist, but at its heart it’s a search for meaning within the mind of someone dealing with depression. Her latest record – a masterpiece in my book – A Lighter Shade of Blue largely reflects her coming to terms with the loss of her first daughter, Rosie, who was stillborn.
[Intro]
Surrender, mm
Surrender, mm
[Verse 1]
I can make a list, a million things I need to fix
I make everyone crazy, is it somethin’ about me?
I keep tightenin’ my grip, but I aim so much I miss
And I’m fightin’ the river
[Pre-Chorus]
When I try to hold it all together
But it’s just not gettin’ better
[Chorus]
Surrender, mm
Surrender, mm (Ooh-ah)
It’s breakin’ my heart ’cause I don’t understand
Why so much is out of my hands
I have to remember
Surrender
Oh, I keep learnin’ the hard way
Oh, keep forgettin’ how to pray
Someone tell me I’m okay
[Verse 2]
I climbed a mountain, I could not rеsist
And I hit bottom at the top of it
I was broken wide opеn
[Pre-Chorus]
There’s a freedom in the freefall
Wanna scream, but I whisper
[Chorus]
Surrender, mm
Surrender, oh
Oh, surrender (‘Cause I don’t understand)
(I might just surrender instead)
I’ve got to remember (‘Cause I don’t understand)
(Why so much is out of my hands) Ooh
(I have to remember) Ooh
(Let me surrender, surrender)
[Outro]
Surrender, mm (Ah)
“The more I live, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I realize, the less I know.”- Michel Legrand
Observation Blogger 
It’s wonderful how music, a favourite artist, a favourite song, can evoke such immediate and deep emotional responses for us. And in the story you’ve told, even coming to you in the dream state. That’s pretty powerful.
Hey Steve,
I wouldn’t put Surrender anywhere near top-tier Perri, but for some reason it still hits me just as I described.
I went back and forth quite a bit about including the dream sequence — I was half-convinced it might make me sound completely unhinged. In the end, I figured, why not? I’m still not entirely sure it was the wisest call, but it felt honest.
Thanks for your kind words. Whatever else it was, the whole experience felt pretty powerful on my end, and I’m glad it came across that way to you as well.
Cheers.
You’ve shared her stuff before if I recall; I seem to remember your enthusiasm about her.
I thought the dream bit was quite harmless; it struck me simply as storytelling of a different sort, that portrayed your experience of the song. Cheers, mate.
There is so much here that is genuinely great. If she hadn’t been so consumed by motherhood, it’s hard to imagine what she might have achieved. Her writing — although ‘Surrender’ is comparatively rudimentary beside much of her work.
If there’s one song I’d consider among the finest ballads or spiritual anthems I’ve ever heard, it’s ‘Evergone’. I’m sure that if Cohen or Dylan had written it, they’d have been proud of themselves.
I hope you don’t mind me sending it through (if I haven’t already). My golly, the writing…
Nope, haven’t sent that one before. That a real anthem for sure, and a latch-on point for grievers, a beauty of a song.
She’s the best, but I’m biased and love is so acute lol
as always..she is something, dreams are so real sometimes…
She’s something else yeh. Thanks man.