El Niágara en Bicicleta (Niagara Falls on a Bicycle) is a song written and performed by Dominican singer-songwriter Juan Luis Guerra. It is the fifth song to appear here so far from this immensely popular Latin music-artist. El Niágara en Bicicleta is a merengue rap song and peaked at number two on the Billboard Hot Latin Songs. It was also the best-performing tropical song of 1999 in the USA. It also won the Grammy in 2000 for best tropical song – ‘tropical’ being that from Spanish-speaking Caribbean countries.

The song’s title Niagara Falls on a Bicycle refers to a Dominican Republic idiom meaning “one is suffering economic misery“. There are many idioms/regionalisms like this in the Latin culture including here in Colombia ‘Ganarse la papa‘ (Earn the Potato) – ‘to bring home the bacon‘ or to earn a living and ‘Sigo en la lucha‘ (I’m still in the fight) – ‘I’m keeping on keeping on‘ or ‘putting up a good fight‘.

This song is based on Juan’s experience he had in a hospital Guerra following a high bilirubin diagnosis. He recalled “I told the doctor when I was getting out of there that I was going to write a song about my experience. After that, I wrote ‘Niagara en Bicicleta‘. In the lyrics, the protagonist finds himself in an emergency room only to “confront the tragicomic miseries of health care in the island“. Due to a lack of supplies however, the person is asked to wait for his turn in a long line of people. The narrator is in disbelief about the lack of medical supplies and the nurse cannot perform an electrocardiogram due to common blackouts. ‘Ben Gay’ refers to a pain relief ointment that a lot of Dominicans use.

A loose English translation of the lyrics follows:

[Verse 1]

I had a fit one Sunday morning when I least expected it.
I fell flat, like a soursop, into the gutter.
Is it my blood pressure, or is my bilirubin high?
And I got a fever, and I started turning white as a mothball.
They took me to a hospital full of people, supposedly In the Emergency Room,
the receptionist was listening to the lottery (Thirty thousand pesos!)
“Someone take pity on me!” I screamed, losing consciousness.
And a nurse leaned close to my ear and said, “Calm down, Bobby, calm down.”

[Verse 2]
She stroked me with Ben Gay ointment and said, “What’s wrong, athlete?”
And I told him in great detail what had happened to me.
“We need to check your blood pressure, but the room is full,
and, my dear, There’s no light in this hospital for an ultrasound.”
I opened my eyes like a full moon and grabbed my head.
Because it’s very hard to cross Niagara Falls on a bike.

[Chorus]
Don’t tell me the doctors left (Woh-oh-oh)
Don’t tell me they don’t have anesthesia (Woh-oh-oh)
Don’t tell me they drank the alcohol (Woh-oh-oh)
And that the sewing thread was embroidered on a tablecloth
Don’t tell me the tweezers were lost (Woh-oh-oh)
That the stethoscope is celebrating (Woh-oh-oh)
That the X-rays fused (Woh-oh-oh)
And that the serum was already used to sweeten the coffee

[Verse 3]
I leaned on her shoulders like a lame man on his crutch, and I said: “What do I do, princess?”
And on a prescription slip, she wrote very sweetly: “I’m sorry, athlete.” (My princess, what will become of me?)
she caressed me with Ben Gay ointment and went on his way.
And I heard clearly when he said to another patient: “Calm down, Bobby, calm down.”
I lowered my eyes to half-mast and held my head.
Because it’s very hard to cross Niagara on a bicycle.

References:
1. El Niágara en Bicicleta – Wikipedia